Disclaimer: if you are a male or don't like reading or hearing about non-sexy vagina talk, you probably should not proceed. You have been warned.

So today was the day that I dread all year. I had my yearly exam. Not the kind of exam you have in school, but the exam where the doctor gets to be up close and personal with my vagingo. You can call it whatever you want vagina, vag, va-jay-jay, the hole; I recently heard it referred to as vagingo and I've taken a liking to that.

I know it's not the most horrible thing that can happen to your lady parts, but it's still not the best. The woman I have gone to see for the past 4 years is the sweetest lady and is so gentle. Or as gentle as you can be when poking, prodding, and scraping the inside of your pleasure palace.

After the nurse took my vitals she told me to get naked (with the exception of my socks) and put on the ridiculous butt baring gown and paper blanket. So there I was in my pink, black and white striped socks, pearl earrings, and a piece of paper covering my girly bits. I then heard a knock at the door and a quiet voice says, "are you indecent?" hahahahahahaha I love her! I replied, "yes I sure am!"

She then proceeded to feel on my boobies, and then on to the fun part. And when I say fun I use that term very loosely. Not that I'm loose; wait what? Ok moving on.

She pulled out this thing that's supposed to spread open when placed inside so she can see better. After a few clicks of the spreader she says, "Oh looks like I need to use the other kind of spreader because your cervix isn't turning the right way." I'm sorry what did you just say? My cervix is doing what? Is that something I should be worried about? She then pulled a spreader out of the drawer that looked the exact same as the one she just threw away, but what do I know about vagina spreaders? She then started scooting the new spreader around like she had all the room in the world (which isn't the case, if you were wondering) and she says, "oh I hope I'm not hurting you." I think to myself thanks for the concern and I reply, "well it doesn't feel good that's for sure." At least I have a sense of humor I guess.

Now that my hoohaw is all open and she can see what she's looking for she takes the "spatula" and scrapes until she feels she has the appropriate amount of whatever it is she's looking for. Next is what I like to call the pipe cleaner. The reason I call it that is because the end of it kind of looks like a pipe cleaner and it's meant to poke it's fabulous little head inside your cervix. This tends to cause cramps and is quite uncomfortable which I'm sure you are all aware of; well that is if you're a female or a male gynocologist (which by the way is a little strange if you ask me).

I feel like there should have been a happy ending somewhere in there, I mean with the amount of lube she was using... I'm just sayin'.

In the end she said everything looks good. Umm thanks I guess. I wish I could say the same to her, but I didn't just stare her in the vertical lips.

Anyway...I'm sure this is nothing new to most of you, but I wanted to talk about my vagina and what better place than on my blog? Read More